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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22431979">Red</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/illcarryyouhome/pseuds/illcarryyouhome'>illcarryyouhome</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Black Widow (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Hurt Natasha Romanov, Natasha Romanov Has Issues, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 08:54:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,640</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22431979</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/illcarryyouhome/pseuds/illcarryyouhome</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Red was her hair,<br/>A distinguishing trait,<br/>No matter how vapid she became.<br/>It endured,<br/>Glowing</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Red</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Red was her hair,<br/>A distinguishing trait,<br/>No matter how lost she became<br/>It endured,</p><p>Glowing</p><p>Glowing like a flame,<br/>Red was the fire,<br/>Eating at the windows,<br/>The smoke staining her throat,<br/>Her eyes,<br/>Her heart,<br/>Painted,<br/>Red took her toys, her books,<br/>Mama and Papa,<br/>and brought the bad men</p><p>Red took childhood,<br/>The room,<br/>The doctors,<br/>Watching blood seep from cuts,<br/>Soaking the sheet,<br/>Red filled the pointe shoes,<br/>The symphonies,<br/>Pointed toes, raised elbows, rotated knees,</p><p>Red was the torture,<br/>Silver cuffs penetrating the wrist,<br/>Fighting for air while submerged,<br/>Blue fingers and shivers against pearly snow,<br/>Sharp nails and whips,<br/>tearing the skin,<br/>Red was heavy,<br/>But little girls are light,<br/>Most get crushed</p><p>Red was in the deaths,<br/>Their numbers dwindled,<br/>Twenty,<br/>Then fourteen,<br/>Seven,<br/>Three,<br/>Then there was only one.<br/>She was the lone survivor,<br/>Her hands stained</p><p>Red took innocence,<br/>She stopped being a child a long time ago,</p><p>She was the only survivor,<br/>The only Black Widow,</p><p>Red was in the deaths</p><p>Only this time they were all hers</p><p>Her ledger grew,<br/>She asked no questions,<br/>She felt nothing but pain, nothing at all,</p><p>Red dripped from bullets,<br/>Knives and burns,<br/>Missions were completed,<br/>No matter the cost</p><p>Red dripped from her wrists,<br/>Her thighs,<br/>Behind her knee,<br/>Scarlet cuts from her knife,</p><p>There was a man<br/>Dressed in black<br/>He followed her for seven days<br/>A shadow<br/>But she was all knowing<br/>Shadows stand out in light<br/>She let him follow<br/>His bow meant she would die<br/>Maybe death wasn’t so bad</p><p>Her knife hit something vital<br/>The blood wouldn’t stop<br/>Nothing was stopping<br/>The red was too much<br/>She was drowning<br/>She couldn’t see<br/>She couldn’t breathe<br/>It was all too much<br/>But also, nothing at all<br/>She was so sad<br/>Nothing was right</p><p>Monster</p><p>She was a monster<br/>Everything was too fast<br/>Too fast to see<br/>To think<br/>It needs to end<br/>Everything was spinning<br/>Someone was nearby<br/>A fuzzy outline<br/>She focused her vision<br/>The shadow<br/>An arrow pointed at her heart<br/>This could be it<br/>The end</p><p>He wasn’t shooting<br/>Their gazes connected</p><p>"Do it"</p><p>He blinked</p><p>"Do it<br/>What are you waiting for"</p><p>She wanted it to be over</p><p>He was still staring<br/>But not at her eyes<br/>He was looking lower</p><p>"You’re bleeding"</p><p>Yes<br/>She was<br/>Everything was bleeding<br/>Because everything was red</p><p>She took a step back<br/>They were on a roof</p><p>She took a step back<br/>"Wait, what are you doing?"</p><p>She was falling</p><p>She watched the shadow disappear</p><p>It got smaller<br/>Smaller</p><p>But then it was growing<br/>Expanding<br/>Why was it growing?</p><p>Suddenly she was being tackled mid-air<br/>A hook snapped to her belt<br/>A strong hand gripping her back</p><p>The falling had stopped<br/>She looked up</p><p>"Let me go"</p><p>"No"</p><p>Everything was black</p><p> </p><p>She blinked<br/>She was in a dimly lit motel<br/>The shadow was there<br/>White bandages swathed her wrist<br/>He was watching her<br/>She stared back</p><p>"You should join Shield<br/>Stop running"</p><p>She stared</p><p>"It would be a new start<br/>A clean slate"</p><p>"My ledger is red"</p><p>He paused</p><p>"Maybe you can change that"</p><p>She was interrogated for days<br/>Fury was very suspicious<br/>She understood</p><p>her memories spilled open,<br/>The crimes committed,<br/>a brief history of childhood and adolescence,<br/>Red echoes of her life imprinted on to her file</p><p>Red streaked her skin,<br/>Medical was concerned,<br/>Self-harm was not a good look on agents,<br/>She refused a counselor,<br/>Clint helped,<br/>He said what she needed to hear,<br/>Harsh and gentle,<br/>Eventually the streaks faded to scars,<br/>Still red, but less</p><p>Red was in the reports,<br/>Apparently, her mental health was concerning,<br/>Traumatic experiences,<br/>She blocked it out,<br/>"I’m fine"<br/>Reluctantly they believed her</p><p>Clint was red,<br/>But in a different way,<br/>His hands were not stained,<br/>His life was not stained,</p><p>He understood, but there were things even he would not know,<br/>There were things no one would ever know</p><p>They went on missions,<br/>Death came to people who deserved it,<br/>Then again,<br/>Didn’t she?</p><p>Red was in the nightmares,<br/>The room<br/>the girls<br/>the fire<br/>the ledger<br/>drowning<br/>screaming<br/>tears,<br/>Clint was shaken,<br/>but he held her close while she soaked his shirt with tears,</p><p>Red was in iron man,<br/>Just a fact,<br/>The fucking suit was bright red,</p><p>Red was also in Tony Stark,<br/>He had killed,<br/>His weapons had killed,<br/>But now he was being killed,<br/>And he was going to let it happen,<br/>She knew how it felt,</p><p>Red lipstick,<br/>Low cut top,<br/>Curled hair,<br/>He was starstruck,</p><p>Red was not in Natalie Rushman,<br/>She was innocent,<br/>And highly qualified<br/>She was instantly hired</p><p>He was self-destructing,<br/>Black veins stretching from his heart,<br/>He was lost,<br/>She understood that too</p><p>"I’d do whatever I wanted to do<br/>With whoever I wanted to do it with"</p><p>It’s the truth</p><p>She leaves Natalie behind,<br/>He doesn’t trust her anymore,<br/>He’s caught a glimpse of the red,</p><p>Loki comes cloaked in blue<br/>He takes Clint,<br/>Turns his eyes into a misty ocean</p><p>She meets Bruce Banner,<br/>Steve Rogers,<br/>Thor Odinson,<br/>Tony comes back in black,</p><p>She breaks the god of mischief,<br/>Arrogance is a weakness of many,<br/>But he pierces her,</p><p>The hospital fire<br/>Drakov’s daughter</p><p>An identity long gone but never forgotten,</p><p>Blood drips from the words,<br/>The memories,</p><p>"I’ve been compromised"</p><p>Red is in the panic,<br/>Her surroundings disappear,<br/>She is back in the room,<br/>She is being hurt,<br/>There is red everywhere,<br/>On every surface,<br/>She is drowning again,<br/>She can’t see,<br/>She can’t breathe,</p><p>Clint speaks to her slowly,<br/>He presses an icepack to the back of her neck,<br/>The red slowly dissipates,</p><p>The team was shaken,<br/>They are not used to panic attacks,<br/>Neither is she<br/>"I’ve been compromised"</p><p>Red is in HYDRA,<br/>And HYDRA is in SHIELD,</p><p>Red is in her file,<br/>Now displayed for the whole world to see,<br/>Red smeared across the internet,<br/>Now everyone knows,<br/>She can’t block it out,</p><p>The streaks of red on her wrists return,<br/>There is no one around to notice</p><p>The scarlet wisps warp her mind,<br/>Her nightmares are her reality,<br/>She is back in the room,<br/>Red is on everything she sees,<br/>Everything she touches,<br/>Everything she hears,</p><p>"I have no place in the world"</p><p>Red is in the hulk,<br/>His past is splattered,<br/>His eyes now warped by the girl</p><p>Bruce was different,<br/><br/>He understood the pain of guilt,<br/>The victims,<br/>She thought they could be together,<br/>She though he would understand,<br/>In the end he left,<br/>They saved the world,<br/>and he left,<br/>She doesn’t blame him,<br/>She’s not one for feelings,</p><p>Red is the nightmares,<br/>She screams her throat raw,<br/>Tears flow from her eyes,<br/>Everything was red</p><p>Sam wakes her up in the middle of the night,</p><p>She can't stop shaking</p><p>She does not blame her,<br/>Wanda,<br/>She was just a girl,<br/>Frightened and powerful,<br/>She knew the pain,<br/>Sharp like fire</p><p>Red was in fire,<br/>Burning Rumlow to ash,<br/>Splintering through the side of a building,<br/>Ledgers filled with civilian casualties</p><p>Red was in the bomb,<br/>The black panther,<br/>Another streak on her ledger,<br/>Another line on her wrist,</p><p>Tony notices but doesn't say a word,</p><p>just tapes it up and kisses her on the forehead,</p><p>"It must be hard to shake the whole double agent thing, huh? It sticks in the dna"</p><p>It stung,<br/>She was only trying to do what was right,<br/>Red grew with every casualty,<br/>Tony knew that,<br/>She knew that,<br/>Steve knew they protected people.<br/>She knew that too,<br/>But she wanted the team to stay together,<br/>The world needed them,<br/>But they were hurting each other,</p><p>Red and gold,<br/>Red white and blue,<br/>They clashed,<br/>The winter soldier had his hands stained,<br/>Tony saw with his own eyes,<br/>Red was all he saw,<br/>Anger can make someone do the unthinkable</p><p>Red was in the shadows,<br/>She needed to stay off the grid,<br/>Her hair was platinum,<br/>She was hiding from,<br/>She was alone again,<br/>Red was in the nightmares,<br/>Steve shook her awake when he found her sobbing,</p><p>Thanos was blinded by red,<br/>He saw it as a solution,<br/>They tried their best,<br/>But the team was fractured all over the galaxy,<br/>The end was silent,<br/>Dust swaying in the wind</p><p>Red was in the failure,<br/>She tried to fix it,<br/>They all did,<br/>But stones were gone,<br/>They had lost,<br/>The team faded out,<br/>and the red seeped in</p><p>Red was in the nightmares,<br/>The panic attacks,<br/>There was no one around to see,<br/>To help,<br/>Red covered her limbs,<br/>Her knife,<br/>She didn’t even bother to wash it,</p><p>The team was worried,<br/>But there was nothing they could do,<br/>They were too lost on their own,</p><p>They had a plan,<br/>Get the stones,<br/>They could do this,<br/>They could bring everyone back</p><p>"See you in a minute"</p><p>Red was in the man,<br/>The skull,<br/>The landscape a twilight purple</p><p>A soul for a soul<br/>One must sacrifice that which you love</p><p>Love,<br/>Love was red,<br/>But in a very different way than what she was used to,<br/>Clint loved her,<br/>And she him</p><p>He could not die,<br/>He had a family,<br/>He had a life,<br/>She was damaged,<br/>She could be sacrificed,<br/>She was willing,<br/>It had to be her,<br/>Everyone needed to come back,<br/>Sam, Wanda, Laura, Lila, Nathaniel, Cooper,<br/>Everyone</p><p>"Whatever it takes"</p><p> </p><p>They fought,<br/>Red scrapes from the sandy cliff,</p><p>He jumped,<br/>She jumped,<br/>A hook snapped to his belt,<br/>He grabbed her wrist,<br/>Tight,</p><p>It stung</p><p>"Let me go"</p><p>It was hauntingly familiar</p><p>"No"</p><p>He was crying</p><p>"its okay"</p><p>She fell</p><p>Everything in her life had been red<br/>The fire, the room, the nightmares, the ledger<br/>But her end,<br/>Her sacrifice,</p><p>It was pure white</p>
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